Get Out of the Cubicle

Thursday, January 28, 2010

What to do when gnats attack

If you’ve ever been hiking (and I’m inclined to think anyone reading this likely has), then you know that the most aggravating part of a trail is not the drastic change in elevation or the occasional drizzle or even the hungry mountain lion eyeing you from afar. No, the real annoyance is much, much smaller. I’m talking about bugs. If it’s not a mosquito sucking the very life out of you five milliliters at a time, it’s the killer wasp trying to penetrate you with its phallus. As intrusive and dangerous (especially if you’re allergic) as these little critters are, there is one bug in particular that takes the proverbial cake. Gnats.

Whereas bees and mosquitoes are often smart enough to realize when they are facing the prospect of impending doom via the hand-slap, gnats seem to be highly impervious to these basic survival instincts. These tiny-winged Lucifers are not only highly annoying, but incredibly stupid. What’s worse is that they are so damn little that you can’t even catch one and teach it a lesson by ripping it’s wings off! Not that we at Urban Escapes condone that sort of behavior. So what can you do when gnats attack?

People will tell you that Citronella candles work best because they are harmless to us but highly toxic to all little creatures. Well I tested that theory with a homemade Citronella candle necklace last week, and let’s just say I’m not yet ready to side with the masses. I guess 3rd degree burns followed by a trip to the emergency room would dwindle anyone’s confidence.

What about bug spray? Well if you don’t mind rubbing chemicals all over your body and praying that you don’t succumb to a DEET-associated seizure (EPA reports say the likely seizure rate for DEET users is only about one per 100 millions users) then by all means, spray away! But for those of us who often forget our bottle of Off! at home, I’m going to give you a simple, drug-free solution to the gnat problem.

Like most bugs, gnats are naturally drawn to us because of the heat our bodies give off. This radiation signals to gnats what fluorescent “24-hour Diner” signs indicate to people: food! Gnats will also generally flock towards the highest point of heat on a body because this generally implies the head of the animal where the skin is likely softest, and thus most easily bitten. How can you use this to your advantage you say?

Grab a branch off the ground; anything between 15-25 inches should do the trick. With both hands rub one end of the branch for a good 60 seconds. This will transfer a good amount of heat from your hands directly to the tip of the branch. Then take the cool end of the stick and lodge it in the space between your back and the pack you are wearing, being sure to leave the warm end of the stick exposed and at least 6-8 inches above your head. Congratulations, in addition to looking like a walking flagpole, you’ve just created a new high point of heat emission. Now relax and enjoy your hike as those stupid little buggers flock around the stick hovering above your head, leaving your ears buzz-free.

Sincerely,
Guest-Blogger Dan Josebachvili